Cancer: The Learning Curve

The first surprise that hit me once I received the official cancer diagnosis was the complete lack of order in the healthcare system.

I had thought that cancer was just like any other illness where you go to a doctor, and they tell you how to get better, but it isn't.  When I had surgeries in the past for a hernia then gallbladder, it was a relativity simple fix.  See the doctor.  Doctor sees the problem.  Doctor fixes the problem.  Insurance pays the doctor.  I become healthy.  This translates to: "Oh, you have cancer.  Let me give you a shot.  Go home; you are all better."

However cancer is H-N-L!  "Hole-'Nothah-Level"  There are a lot of doctors.  In fact, in the beginning there were so many doctors that I would just drop my pants when anyone in a white coat walked past me.  I knew they wanted a feel no matter how many times I told them there was a lump on my testicle.  Some doctors were nice, and I thanked them for their gentle touch.  There were some that were not so nice and I limped away with little pride and a lot of pain.

While there were many doctors in the beginning, I am now in a phase where there are very few.  As the doctors specialize into various fields, they become fewer and fewer, and just when I thought I found a good one, the mighty insurance company stepped in for a conversation.  They take a perfect doctor and turn him into one that I might not be able to use.  There are not many Urological Oncologists floating around, and I will hold on to hope that this will all work out.

I suppose this is what all those commercials on TV were talking about when they mention "Coordinated Care." But I am tired of this business crap; I just want my life--a healthy, cancer-free life.

This season of sickness has brought around some really good events: great people have reached out to me to express care and concern. People that I know and admire have walked down this same path, and they prove to me that it does get better on the other side.  I have an amazing wife.  She is constantly caring and loving this grumpy fool as I attempt to navigate this mess.  I am blessed with a son (currently nestled by my side) who inspires me to study harder, dig deeper, and play longer.

I don't even know where to start when it comes to the life lessons I have learned these last few months, but I am very glad to have them.  I am grateful for the pain as it gives me focus; I am grateful for the fear as it gives me hope, and I am grateful for life as it gives me joy.

I love this journey, and I couldn't do it without them.

It's tough to be so cool!

Some people have to work really hard at being cool. For us it just

comes naturally! We spent a few minutes this morning on our stoop

waiting for Kim to show up with the rental car. Once we were packed

and munching on treats, we made our way to Maryland to visit the

family.

It is great getting out of the city. I forgot that people have their

own patches of grass to sit on that are free from poop, cigarettes,

garbage, and sleeping students. Out here in the country you can even

let your kid run more than ten feet away from you; it's awesome.

We are having a great time, and there will be more pictures posted

soon. For now you will just have to be happy with looking at our

combined awesomeness as we prepare to take over the world.

Thanks for being a great son!

Little Man,

I love you.  You are so helpful and patient with me, and I want to tell you that we will be running through the parks again soon.  However, for the next few months I will limp, and you will ride your scooter in circles around me.  You are a lucky boy to have so many people that love you.  Everyone you meet wants to be your friend.  Your smile is contagious, and your laughter is my best medicine.  The last four years have been some of the best in my life, and I know that with you there will be many more great adventures.

Love,

Dad

ps-stay awesome--forever.  

Because I'm cool like that

After receiving a great idea from her sister, my wife went to work and ordered some fantastic wristbands!  Having cancer has its advantages.  

Now I am cool.

Kiki's Gift to Little Man

Customize your own scrapbooking design

Happy Heart

There are many things that make me happy, but the greatest blessing in life is my family.  Seeing my wife and son enjoying a few evening stories gives me a warm, smiling feeling in my heart.  We may not have a lot of money, but we are rich.  

I have a great life.  

Just another reason why I love my wife so damn much...

...she thinks that getting a beef patty with cheese on the walk home is a good snack!

Awesome!

Half a Man

I suppose I ought to start this post with an apology.  It isn't very polite of me to make a major announcement about my health on a blog then not provide any follow-up information.  I am sorry.

Now that I have that out of the way, I will tell you what I have been up to.  First, and most important, I got married!  It turns out that the cute lady I proposed to was serious about marrying me, and we done got hitched.  There was even a small blurb about us in an online article; it was pretty cool.  Some of her family came to town, and some of my family came to town.  It was small, and I loved every second of it because Kim is a fantastic woman.  I would like to say that we had a wild honeymoon, and I suppose in a way we did, but two days after tying the knot, I had a radical orchiectomy.  In layman's terms, I had a testicle removed.

It hurt.

A lot.

It has been two weeks since the surgery, and I am still walking with a small limp.  The pathology reports came back, and I have  Stage 1 Testicular Cancer.  I met with my oncologist today, and he recommends that I have a lymph node dissection.  This is needed to verify that the cancer has not spread beyond the testicle and to eliminate future threats of a return.  Depending on the results of that surgery and subsequent biopsy of the lymph nodes, the chemotherapy treatment will begin.  If the cancer has spread to Stage 2, there will be a more aggressive form of chemotherapy.  My doctor said that I could have the option of doing the treatment at Sloan-Kettering or the hospital right across the street.  This is something worth doing, but it will be hard to give up the easy commute of walking across the street for treatment.

I don't know when this will begin.  Little Man has a birthday next week, and I want to play with him on that awesome day.  I also need to bank some sperm.  This might be Too Much Information for some of you, but I don't care; I like saying it.  I think it is funny--banking sperm.  After all the adolescent jokes I made about sperm banks, I now get to go to one!

On a more reflective note, I have had some small emotional struggles with my recent surgery.  While I have never felt my identity was directly connected to my genitals, having a testicle removed has made me reflect on what it means for me to "be a man."  As much of my study in Religion deals with gender roles and sexuality, I feel that I keep an objective view of gender performance, but losing an essential part of my "manhood" has allowed me to understand the world found outside of the traditional heteronormative society a little bit better.

I decided to not withdraw from school for the semester.  My professors are amazing people that will work with me if I start to fall behind, but I do not plan on letting that happen.  I love college, especially Columbia.  It is a kick-ass school, and my peers inspire me.

 Despite the upcoming difficulties, I consider myself blessed.  I have a beautiful wife who has not complained about the many extra chores she has picked up in my sickness, who never tires of showing love, who is always ready to give kisses and hugs, and who has enriched my life with more happiness than I have ever known.  I have a wonderful son whose infectious energy and excitement allows me to see my world as a giant playground.  I have a relationship with a Power greater than my own that grounds me to a truth of love, compassion, and hope.

The Power of Chocolate

Sometimes I just need chocolate, and when we found ourselves just a few blocks away from Max Brenner's this afternoon, we knew just where to go:

You see, at Max Brenner's, all of your problems are left on the street while you sip, and lick every last drop of, a delicious Italian thick dark hot chocolate.

It is even better when dining with a friend.

But when I start to think about it, Little Man is the real winner because we both got the same amount of hot chocolate, but I outweigh him 10:1.  That would be like me drinking an entire gallon of the stuff... no wonder he isn't asleep for his nap yet.

btw- he finished his entire glass--I am a proud father.

Challenge Accepted

As I have recently received some troubling news from my doctor, the same poem by Edmund Vance Cooke has been circulating through my mind:

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it.
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there – that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts;
It’s how did you fight and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could;
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t that fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

For the last month, I have had an aggressive growth on my right testicle.  After several blood tests, my doctor has decided to operate to remove the testicle and biopsy the growth to determine what kind of follow-up therapy I will need.  I do not have an official diagnosis, but with complicated jargon, my doctor explained that some form of chemotherapy will be required after the surgery. 

It hurts, and I am scared.  

Part of me wants to pretend that nothing is wrong and live a normal life, but there is another part of me that needs to get life organized to deal with this problem.  Fortunately, I am blessed to be surrounded by loving and understanding people to help me through this problem.  I have a job that is very understanding and will allow me all the time off I need.  My school schedule consists of three seminars (they are great classes!) which requires a lot of reading, but I have a good rapport with the professors, so I do not plan on withdrawing from the semester.  I have a beautiful fiance who is constantly providing me with love and support.  My family is mobilizing to come out to New York and help with Little Man and whatever other needs arise. 

While I have no intention of dying, I am certain that I am going to be thrown around pretty hard, but just as Cooke advises, I will "be proud of [my] blackened eye!"  The silver lining is that my family is healthy--I don't know what I would do if Little Man had this diagnosis.  I have the makings for a fantastic graduate school application (who wouldn't want a student that battled cancer while attending classes full-time?).  My new health insurance through Columbia will cover most all of the expenses, and I live right across the street from the hospital, so I won't have to deal with traffic or the subway in my commute.

I am scared, but I am also strong, confident, blessed, and ready to fight!  This challenge has been accepted! 

Toby

This is Toby:

Toby is a good dog.  We adopted him from a shelter in Syosset, and he is now part of our family.  There are many things that we do not know about Toby.  We do not know his birthday, his age, why someone left him tied to a tree, what his previous family was like, and why he loves other dogs so darn much.  However, there are many things that we do know.  We know that he is very sweet, he loves to eat all his food in under 30 seconds, he loves the dog park, he likes balls, and he will always have a home with us.

We also know that Toby loves his big/little brother.

They like to tease each other.  When Toby is asleep, Little Man will shout "TOBY!" to wake him up and then run away.  When Gabriel is asleep, Toby will bark and try to pull his pillow away from him.  They will chase each other around the house, and it is impossible for Little Man to walk past Toby without getting kissed or pressed against the wall in a big Rottweiler hug.

We love our Toby.

The Boys

Little Man loves the new dog, Toby. However, he is no match for the affection of a growing Rottweiler, so he finds safety on the table.

I love these boys!

It's Getting Closer!

I know that this picture is blurry, but I still love it. I was a little reluctant to go to Rockefeller center last night as there are constantly large crowds this time of year, but I wanted to show Little Man the big tree, and seeing his excitement made the trip worth it. The tree is up, the stockings are hung, the music of the season is always playing, and there is a lot of love in our little apartment.

The boy loves his Jamba...

Even on a cold day, he still loves this stuff.

Dessert!

The Sufi Path

Reading the “Poem of the Sufi Way” as the final work this semester, seems the most fitting way to end a course that captured the varied life experiences of these ancient mystics.  From Rabi’a to Ansari, the philosophies and practices of numerous Sufis came to life in al-Farid’s prose.  From this poem al-Farid connects all Sufi fraternities into one great whole; there is no separation of belief, just separate methods of expression.  Perhaps the most compelling stanza in his poem is found on page 141.  Stanza 237 reads:

For after I fought, I witnessed

      that he who made me see,

             my guide to me, was me—

                               me, my own example.

The first line implies a struggle against some force.  The opposing force is not defined as each Sufi will encounter their own struggle in their own time.  Whether that struggle comes in the form of power, wealth, fame, hunger, abuse, or even a lack of faith, each person on the Sufi path will only have a witness after they struggle.  It would appear that the victory over the struggle is not the important part, for there is no mention of a win, but the glory is found through the tribulation and not around it.  This means that the seeker must come to accept what is placed before them and not try to avoid it or become something that they are not.  The Sufi must not only accept the world in which they live, but they ought to also forge through the obstacles that stand in their way.

            The line “that he who made me see,” implies the existence of a force outside of oneself that has significant power over the individual.  To force one into seeing something that was not already known reveals that the revealer comes from beyond the realms of the known world.  When the seeker acquires the knowledge that can only come from beyond the known realms, they have transcended into a new sphere of existence.  This transcendence is a true religious experience as they are now left to interpret the unknown witness into the known language of those that surround them.

            Al-Farid reveals the revealer in the next line: “my guide to me, was me—“.  This captures the Sufi principle of union between the Creator and the creations.  When one moves beyond their profane knowledge into the realm of the sacred, they have joined with the source of all knowing.  This line also shows the importance of the individual along the path to attain union with the divine.  While there may be many fraternities to join and masters to learn from, the most important teacher to be found along the path is the student who wants to learn.  This is reinforced with the final line “me, my own example.”  No matter what a person may want to learn from another further along the Sufi path, there is no greater teacher than the very student in learning the correct way to travel, for there are many different ways to get to a single destination. 

            The reason this stanza resonated with me more than any other in the poem is because this captures my own personal and religious philosophies more than any other.  It is important to learn from others, but they can never be a suitable substitute for what I have to teach myself.  The union that one seeks to find with the Divine will not be found in following the path of others, for the Divine speaks to each in their own way.  The masters who have gone on before are great to use as a general template for life’s path, but they ought not to be used as the only source of knowledge.  Why should the Divine communicate to and elevate a person who cannot communicate to and elevate themselves?  The struggle that each of us face is unique therefore the path we choose must be unique also.  The emphasis on the individual found in al-Farid’s poem truly embodies the many varied works of the Sufi masters who preceded him.

The Project

A couple weeks ago we finished a project.  Little Man has been working on shapes at school, and he had a project to make a shape collage.  I thought that the only thing better than making one collage would be making three collages, so we spent the weekend cutting circles, squares, and triangles.  Personally, I think these are awesome, but I am a little biased.  He was very proud of his work, and he really likes seeing them on the wall at his school.

To Infinity and Beyond!

We spent our Saturday morning on the M116 to Target.  We bought socks, a watch, Buzz Lightyear pajamas, and construction paper to make a collage for Little Man's preschool project.  The little one wasn't as excited about his new socks as I was about mine, but he really likes having a watch and awesome jammies (that is why he is wearing them at three in the afternoon).   

Today is a good day.

Perfection

I like her.  

A lot.

Halloween!

Tonight we joined the neighborhood parade and received candy from the firehouse, two restaurants, the frat houses, and the little park next door.  The street was closed to traffic, so all the kids could run freely between locations.  I have to admit that I actually had a good time... go figure.  

As if writing wasn't hard enough...

I like writing.  I don't write as often as I should, but there is something relaxing about finding the right rhythm and letting the words flow.  

Sometimes it can be difficult to find that happy place.  

Sometimes it is impossible.  

This is one of the impossible times.  I want/need to write a critique of an author's work detailing their use of binary language to create an argument that forms a symbiotic relationship between God and man, and my Little Man wants to play trains and sing "no more monkeys jumping on the bed."

I don't know what "doctor" he called, but I have a feeling that the prescription is to put the homework aside and be a dad tonight.

Choo-Choo!  

Fun Times

The boy and I went up to Fort Tryon Park this morning, so we could arrive early at the Medieval Festival held there every year.  Just a few years ago, I was one of those guys who would laugh at every person that walked through those streets, and in some ways I still laugh at many people there, but now I am a little jealous at the merry men and women who proudly embrace their inner pauper/prince/lord/lady/knight/mage/squire/quidditch player/pirate.  They all looked like they were having a great time.

We saw some great duels, pet a few dogs, watched a magician, learned to belly dance, ate a delicious brownie, nibbled an average cookie, had a tantrum, had an extra long timeout, bought a sword, rode the bus, and almost bought a giant turkey leg to share, but the lines were too long.

It was fun, and maybe next year we will dress up--maybe.  

Time to Wrestle

Little Man has been camping this weekend with his mom, and while it has been great to have the bed to myself and sleep past 6:30am, I miss him.

I think that we are going to wrestle this afternoon when he comes home.  He gets plenty of hugs and kisses from everyone in his life, so we don't wrestle as a substitute for affection.

We wrestle because it is fun, and I miss my boy!

Bad Mormon

Last night I had an epiphany: I am a bad Mormon.

The funny thing about this realization is that it doesn't upset me.  In fact, I am quite proud of it.  This doesn't mean that I do not care about my religion or appreciate the sacred, but it does mean that I am not going to fit into any standard mold that Mormonism has to offer.

I:
have long hair.
like tattoos.
watch R rated movies.
occasionally drink caffeine.
use profanities.
yell at people.
tell dirty jokes.
like gossip.
overeat.
laugh at inappropriate times.
challenge authority.
question the authority of those in authority.
forget to pray sometimes.
strongly believe in equal rights.
don't think humility is the same thing as self-abasement.
don't believe in Hell.
believe there is a fine line between spirituality and schizophrenia 
hate wearing white shirts.
buy food on Sunday.

You won't see me on a billboard, holding a hawk in a commercial, or anywhere inside of a church magazine.   But you will find me helping a friend move furniture, giving money to the homeless without any dramatic refusal of how "I give to my church," working with the youth Sunday School class as they each travel on their own spiritual paths, teaching my son respect for the Earth and all her inhabitants, smiling at a stranger, standing up for the underdog, and listening to anyone who just wants to be heard.

I may be a bad Mormon, but I am an awesome human, and that is all that matters to me!

Free Book!

Now the book vendor is giving my kid free stuff. Little Man chose Bert and Erie; that's what I would have picked too.

Breakfast!

I didn't feel like cooking this morning, so we decided to try a new diner near the bagel shop. We will come back to this place!

A Few Thoughts About Utah

The Boy and I have been home for a few days now, and I have had plenty of time to rest from our most awesome vacation in Utah.  Our days and nights were full of visiting friends and family, eating, playing, driving, going to the zoo, swimming, napping, Wii-ing, and making new friends.  The two weeks we were there wasn't enough to see everyone and do everything, but we still had a great time.

While it is nice to be home in NYC, there are many things that I will miss in Salt Lake.  I loved watching my son become friends with his cousins.  Everyday he would beg for us to return to my sister's house, so he could run outside with her kids.  He quickly learned how cool it is to have a giant yard to play in and friends to share it with.  He also made friends with the children of my friends.  I just sat back and watch them interact, amazed that the bonds of friendship have encompassed the next generation, and I envisioned the many camping trips and vacations spent together in the future when these same children will be the ones causing the trouble and I would have to be the adult.

Del Taco.  Certainly New York is known for its restaurants, but I am not a fan of paying large sums of money for a meal.  A late night run for some nachos and tacos for under ten dollars makes for a very happy Archie.  Another thing that made me very happy was the complete lack of humidity.  The Summer sun in Utah is relentless, but the lack of humidity keeps everyone dry and smelling nice.  Don't forget about the Summer nights when the sun disappears and the cool breezes provide the perfect environment for evening conversations about life, love, and nachos.

However, there were some experiences in Utah I would prefer to forget.  Why is everyone in such a hurry on the freeway?  The roads are huge, and the lanes are wide, but most drivers still felt it was important to swerve in and out of traffic while speeding to get to their destination.  I know that a number of years ago I was one of those drivers, but now I pause and wonder what I was thinking.  What was so important that I was willing to risk the safety of everyone around me, so that I would not be late?  I can't remember, but I do know that after a couple of years enduring New York traffic, I am happy traveling at any speed over 30 mph.

Downtown Salt Lake is ugly.  I know that many were concerned about revenue and property values around the decaying malls, but knocking down the familiar to build the homogeneous was a very bad idea.  It is kind of ironic in a way that the citizens (read LDS Church) in favor of the changes forgot the concept of people returning to the familiar.  The malls might have been old and losing stores, but at least people knew the terrain, the fountains, and even the food court.  Eventually the shoppers would have returned, but now it feels like walking down the Vegas strip with new buildings that lack any sense of personality.

Another ironic twist to my visit occurred when I saw a number of billboards advertising "food storage" sales.  One of the principles behind provident living is for people to manage themselves, not to pay anther company to manage things for them.  Paying a company thousands of dollars to stock your basement with six months of food rations and water is like paying an actor to go to church for you--pointless.  There may be food on your shelf, and there may be a seat in the pew, but both actions miss the mark.

I got tired of driving, and one must drive a lot to get around town.  I have grown accustomed to the subways and buses of New York.  Public transit is awesome, but I don't think it will be catching on anytime soon in Utah where urban sprawl is rampant.  I may live in a pigeon coop here in the city, but I am pretty confident that I am living a "greener" lifestyle here in this metropolis than most people in Salt Lake.

All in all, I am a little jealous of my family and friends in Utah.  They have beautiful scenery, great weather, cheap food, and little traffic.  I know that I will be back for many visits and many Summer nights, and there may come a day where I will call Utah home.  For now, I am happy to be back in my city where I am blessed to have a job, attend an amazing school, parent a precocious child, and build a very bright future--a very bright future indeed.  Of course that is another blog post for another day.

My Crazy Family

We like to strut our stuff!

The Weary Traveler

The boy has had a wild vacation and is in need of a lot of rest.

Remember this thing?

What would Hogle Zoo be without the lion water fountain?

New Friends

There is something great about seeing the boy bond with his new "brothers."  I suppose friendships can carry on to the next generation.

Summer Swimming

Cousins

We are spending the morning at Hogle zoo, and the kids are excited for a train ride.

We know how to wait for a plane in style.

Anything for Amelia!

Sometimes real men buy doll clothing...

Because Rumi is Just So Freaking Awesome!

Are you familiar with Rumi?  If not, then you ought to be.  I won't go on in any detail about the wisdom of this Sufi poet, but I will share one of his poems with you.  

You can thank me later...

Bliss—

    the instant

         spent seated

              on the terrace,

                   me next to you

                       two forms and

                             two faces

                                 with just one soul,

                                      me and you

The chatter of birds

the garden’s murmur

        flowing

     like a fountain of youth

        as we stroll

     through roses,

                                      me and you

The stars of the firmament, bent low to look over us

    Let’s eclipse them, shine like the moon,

                                      me and you

                                      Me and you join,

                                      beyond Me

                                      beyond You

                                           in joy

    happy, released from delire and delusion

                                      Me and you, laughing like this,

    reach dimensions where celestial birds suck sugary cubes

                   Magical! me and you, here,

                       in our corner of earth,

                       but wafting on airs of Iraq and Khorasan,

                                      me and you

    In one form here on earth

    in other forms in paradise

    eternal, sunk in fields of sugar,

                                      me and you
--Translation by Franklin Lewis

My Summer Vacation

For a number of reasons, I completed two courses at Columbia this Summer.  I took an Art Humanities class, and I thought it was great!  For six weeks I would trek up to campus and sit with a lively group of my peers to discuss great works like the Parthenon along with artists like Rembrandt and Pollock.  The classes were long as we met twice a week for three hours each session, but I really enjoyed them, and I made some great friends.

Summer continued, and so did my semester.  The second six week course consisted of Elementary French Level 2.  I thought that this would be a proverbial walk in the park; I was wrong.  Meeting four nights a week for two hours each evening, I quickly discovered that I was in over my head.  While we had many fun and engaging moments of teasing the professor about French culture, we had many more moments of looking at each other in total confusion.  I made some great friends (which is what I love about my school; just about everyone is awesome!) and I learned a little French, but I am very glad that the class is now over.

I suppose my Summer vacation starts now.  I have one week left of work, and then the boy and I are heading to Utah to visit with family, and I am most excited for this trip.  I have a lot of plans.  I want to see my grandparents and listen to their stories.  I want to see my niece and nephews and chase them around the yard.  I want to eat at Cancun Cafe with my mom.  I want to see the many friends that have been so supportive of me.  I want to spend a lot of time with a certain girl.

Yes, a lot of time.

You see, I am completely twitterpated and captivated by a really cute girl.

So as I count down these last few days until I can have a real vacation, I am grateful for new friends, old friends, family, food, and new love.  Life continues to smile upon me, and I love it!

I Will For You

I don't like to admit that other people are right, and I am wrong,
       but I will for you.

I am not very good at opening my heart and sharing my feelings,
       but I will for you.

I have never liked sharing my most delicious cheese dip with other people,
       but I will for you.

I don't like leaning on other people for support and strength,
       but I will for you.

I never thought that I would let my guard down and let someone get close to me,
       but I will for you.

I didn't want to travel down this path again,
       but I will
       for you.

Something Special

I received something special in the mail today.

It was a special something from someone special.

And now I am especially happy.


The End

Another Adventure

I knew that it was going to be a hot Friday here in the city, so the boy and I left early to spend the morning at Coney Island. We had a blast! Between playing in the ocean (actually he only got his feet wet) and having a great lunch at Nathan's, it was a great morning, and we made it home to turn on the air conditioning right before it hit 100 degrees.

We must go back before the Summer is over because there is much more to see and do.

A Lesson Learned

Several years ago a friend shared this song with me, and recently they have proved it to be true.

You know you who are, but you do not know how much you have helped.

Thank you.

Oh Thank Heaven

We explored the northern realms of Central Park today. We saw cool arches, a waterfall, cool playgrounds, and hidden streams. After our adventure, we stopped in at 7-11 for a Summer treat of nachos and a slurpee.

We are living the high life!

Fulfilled

It has been my intention to write a blog about how busy I had been, but I was too busy to write it.  During this time of "busy-ness," I came to the realization that everyone is busy, and I wasn't that special for juggling a child, an education, a job, and a dismal social life.  As I thought more about what I felt underneath the tired, stressed, and lonely feelings, I found something spectacular--a feeling of fulfillment!

While I had initially focused my attention on the tasks that needed to be completed and my time management, I had missed the changes that were going on inside of me.  Over the last several weeks I had the chance to stretch every part of myself, and I like it.  Rather than complain about the loss of personal time, I will be grateful for this chance to grow.

During the day I am an employee.  I work hard to pay the rent, buy the groceries, and pay Alma Mater her tuition.  I finish my job each day with a sore body and sweaty clothes, but I also finish each day knowing that I made an honest dollar.  Having spent a lot of time recently as unemployed, I will happily pursue my vocation.

In the evening I am a student.  Monday through Thursday I spend two hours a night in class learning French.  I spend my lunch break writing flashcards.  I study before class as I change into clean clothes, and I study after class as I get into bed.  Columbia has high expectations of their foreign language learners, and I hope to make the cut.

Every second that I breathe, I am a father.  I think about my little boy when I wake up and wonder what new things he will learn.  My heart smiles when I hear his voice on the phone or at the end of my hallway, and while I miss him when he is gone, I love that he is making new friends.  My favorite part of the day is listening to him while he rambles on about the people he saw and what car he rode in.

My body is tired, my mind if sore, and my heart is full.

I am not busy, I am blessed.

I am not failing, I am fulfilled.

Lunchtime!

This week's adventure was to Chinatown!  We had a small delay getting there due to an emergency call from work, but we eventually found our way downtown.  Little Man made some new friends in the park and enjoyed seeing all of the cool toys on display (every store in the entire neighborhood had the same toys , but we still had to stop at each one to look).  We saw live lobsters and crabs, and the merchants even held up a few large fish for him to look at.  We had lunch at Wo Hop restaurant, but it was the upstairs one and not the basement which apparently has great reviews.  The food still tasted great to us.  We found a flashlight for the boy then jumped on a train to come home for a nap.  

Fifteen Dollars Worth of Fun

The boy and I had a great morning in the city.  After stretching our legs here in Morningside Heights, we jumped on a bus and went to the American Folk Art Museum.  We got in for free with my student id and looked at some really cool quilts.  Seeing the different patterns and feeling the amount of dedication put into each one inspired me to learn the craft.  It might be some time before I can have the space and energy to learn quilting, but I think that it would be a great hobby.

We ate lunch at the Halal cart right across from the museum and got a platter full of chicken and rice for six dollars.  We shared the platter right while enjoying the hordes of people milling around 6th avenue on their lunch breaks.  After a small walk up to Central Park, we shared a Cherry Garcia ice cream bar for only four bucks.  As I type this I realize that for those outside of NYC it may seem like an expensive treat, but for us, it was cheap and tasty.  We ate the ice cream near the carousel and then took a ride afterwards for five dollars. It was a blast!

After that Little Man was showing signs of needing a nap, so we hopped on the bus and enjoyed some cold air on the ride back up to the neighborhood.  

Not a bad start to our fourth of July weekend.

I like my street;

it is a fantastic place to watch the sunset.

The Steps

Cool people hang on out the steps of Low Library; awesome people hang out on the steps of Low Library with us!

Something Simple

In an attempt to understand classical art as a form in itself and not as a specific time period, one must determine the most important characteristics belonging to this genre.  Perhaps the most important trait is the visualization of the ideal in relation to a mundane life.  Taking the ordinary and creating something extraordinary is the quintessential mark of classicism.  Symmetry within the work and the use of parallel lines are also dependent qualities of classical art.  “Primary Light Group: Red, Green, Blue” by Jo Baer presents a simple representation of classical work that incorporates these three requirements.  Through the simple application of paint on canvas, this minimalist painter captures the elegant style of classicism.

           

Upon first look at Baer’s work, an initial indifference sets in; as with much of minimalist art, the meaning can be overshadowed by the simplicity of the composition.  This is art?  Anyone can do this!  However, with some time to ponder upon the installation of the three panels, the connection to the classical becomes apparent and the importance of the artist’s vision is shown.  The ideal is portrayed through the use of color.  Though just a small strip of color around the border, the three primary light colors are displayed indicating the importance they play in one’s ability to visualize anything.  Red, green, and blue combine in various ways to bring the visual world to life.  The three large canvases also hold a symmetrical balance in their composition.  Rather than viewing the three pieces as individual works of art, they are brought together in one piece that has no intersecting lines.  The use of parallel lines creates a balance similar to many classical works.  Finally, the three canvases give the appearance of columns through the use of these parallel lines.  Arranged in a horizontal fashion, they become a representation of three columns that provide support to an important roof of the visual spectrum. 

           

Similar to the Parthenon, Baer’s works creates an illusion of openness while maintaining distinct boundaries.  The Parthenon with its rows of columns and interior walls portrayed the openness needed to worship, and communicate with, Athena while also setting limits of where the common man could not go.  “Primary Light Group” also keeps this balance; the openness of the white canvas allows the imagination to fill in the gap and create new pictures, but the borders are clearly marked by each of the primary colors and black frame—keeping the viewer within certain limits. 

           

Both the Parthenon and “Primary Light Group” attempt to capture the ideal through less than perfect mediums.  The Parthenon was built as a house to the goddess Athena.  The inherent irony is that common earthly material could be used to create a home for a celestial god exists within its design.  Baer’s work is plagued with this same irony; she used pigment based paints of oil and synthetic polymer to capture the image of light.  Can light be captured, and can a celestial power be housed on earth?  Light and deity as the ideal are attempted to be portrayed in the best forms available to the artists.  Despite the imperfections in their portrayals, the Parthenon and “Primary Light Group” both elevate the ideal through simple expression.  The concept of “nude but not naked” can be used to describe the white canvas and the sculptures of the meotopes on the Parthenon friezes.  While Baer’s canvas may be white, it is not blank.  The beauty is found through the portrayal of the ideal form.

The obvious difference between these two classical pieces is that one is a work done on canvas, and the other is an architectural and historical artifact.  Comparing the two on this basis alone is an unfair look at classical art since both come from different eras and cultures, but the themes they both present are harmonious.  In keeping with one of the main themes, both subjects display great symmetry.  Oddly enough, the Parthenon only appears symmetrical through the use of creative design in which there are slight curves in the structure to undo the natural perception of asymmetry that occurs with large scale buildings.  The symmetry of the “Primary Light Group” is real and repeated.  Each of the three colors has its own canvas that is presented as a square on the wall.  This repetition of frames adds to the symmetry of the paintings.  Each border becomes a part of the continuous horizontal line while the vertical borders also balance the work.

           

Not only do the pieces resemble columns, but they also recreate the triglyphs found on the Parthenon’s friezes.  Creating a break from the initial understanding of the work, the natural separation between the canvases allows for the viewer to look at the art in a separate way just as the triglyph separated one meotope from another.  With precision spacing, Baer’s work becomes a cycle of viewing; just as one could walk around the Parthenon and understand the story told through different angles, “Primary Light Group” also allows for many interpretations.  If the three paintings were too close together the individual canvases would blur into one, and if they were spaced too far apart, the sense of connection would be lost.

 Although classical art may be seen as an ancient genre, modern artists are still influenced by the core themes that have transcended time.  Through an elevation of the ideal, the use of parallel lines, and the symmetrical composition of her work, Jo Baer’s “Primary Light Group: Red, Green, Blue” stands as a great example of classical art in the modern age.